i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
Randomize
