i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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