hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
Randomize
