It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
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