Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
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