these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
Randomize
