just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
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