Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
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