addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
Randomize
