She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
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