i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
Randomize
