I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
Randomize
