I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
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