Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
Randomize
