we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
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