Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
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