He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Randomize
