and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
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