I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
Randomize