i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
Randomize
