Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
Randomize
