Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
you would pick up someone in the library
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
Randomize
