the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
Randomize
