my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
Randomize
