one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
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