So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
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