It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
Randomize
