Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
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