I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
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