You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
I can feel your judgement through the phone
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
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