Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
Randomize
