Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
Randomize
