as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
Randomize
