is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
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No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
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