so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
Randomize
