please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
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