I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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