maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
the day after is always just damage control
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
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