I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
did i just pee glitter
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
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