Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
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