i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
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Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
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Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
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