I met the friendliest cop last night
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize
