I think she gave up trying 2 land a bf and let herself go
You misogynist thinking that every girl wants a bf
They do. I don't appreciate u using big words idk and im gonna take offense
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
Randomize
