Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
Randomize
