Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
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