Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
Randomize
