You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
Randomize