Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
Randomize
