DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
Randomize
