Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
Randomize
