He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
"women exchanges sex for chips" on msnbc
damn even the hoes are getting hit by this economy
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
Randomize
