everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize
