Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
Randomize
