so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
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