Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
Randomize
