please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
