Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
you never un-have a 4some
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
Randomize
